Let Sister Keep Silence of Deed-An Exercise in Ethics
While I'm waiting for Lindley news to stream in, I'll be posting "items" that draw my attention and are worthy of discussion. I considered the following letter from Annie's mailbox, an advice column published in our local newspaper, to be such an item.
"Baby sis" wrote in her letter headlined, "Let sister keep silence of deed" to Annie's Mailbox:
Dear Annie: My oldest sister, "Deb," recently confessed to me that she was the one who turned my mother in for welfare fraud over 20 years ago. Mom was arrested and served time in jail. Our family was torn apart. My younger sister and I were sent away to live with an abusive aunt. Although I understand what Mom did was wrong, she did it only because Dad was an alcoholic and often kept money from Mom even if we children needed something.
Mom went to her grave believing it was her mother-in-law who turned her in. I want Deb to confess what she did to the whole family. Although it will not help Mom heal any wounds, it would help the rest of us make amends. The worst thing is, years later, Dad's second wife committed the same crime, and Deb never said a word.
I am ready to tell Deb that if she doesn't come clean, I will do it for her. Whatever happened to honor thy mother and thy father? Please help me.
Annie's response:
Dear Sis: How old was Deb when she did this? Don't you think she believed she was doing the right thing? If Deb confesses, will it really help "make amends," or will it simply be a way to punish her?
We understand that you are angry and want Deb to pay for making such a mess of your family, but try to forgive her. It's too late to change what happened, and you can be sure the deed has preyed on her mind all this time.
"Baby sis" wrote in her letter headlined, "Let sister keep silence of deed" to Annie's Mailbox:
Dear Annie: My oldest sister, "Deb," recently confessed to me that she was the one who turned my mother in for welfare fraud over 20 years ago. Mom was arrested and served time in jail. Our family was torn apart. My younger sister and I were sent away to live with an abusive aunt. Although I understand what Mom did was wrong, she did it only because Dad was an alcoholic and often kept money from Mom even if we children needed something.
Mom went to her grave believing it was her mother-in-law who turned her in. I want Deb to confess what she did to the whole family. Although it will not help Mom heal any wounds, it would help the rest of us make amends. The worst thing is, years later, Dad's second wife committed the same crime, and Deb never said a word.
I am ready to tell Deb that if she doesn't come clean, I will do it for her. Whatever happened to honor thy mother and thy father? Please help me.
Annie's response:
Dear Sis: How old was Deb when she did this? Don't you think she believed she was doing the right thing? If Deb confesses, will it really help "make amends," or will it simply be a way to punish her?
We understand that you are angry and want Deb to pay for making such a mess of your family, but try to forgive her. It's too late to change what happened, and you can be sure the deed has preyed on her mind all this time.
- Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.
The advice that Kathy and Marcy gave to "Baby sis" struck me as not being the best advice they could have given. In fact, I think it is mostly poor advice. Rather than state what advice I would have given, I'd like those who read this to post "comments", if you're so inclined, on whether you agree with "Annie's advice" and if not, comment why you disagree and state what different advice you would have given. Consider this an "exercise" in ethics.
After I've received a few comments, I will jump in and share my thoughts.
posted by sallyann | 5:10 PM
4 Comments:
Deb sounds like she was an abusive, out of control teenager trying to get back at her mother, probably because her mother told her no for something Deb wanted to do. I feel sorry for the mother and for baby sis. I'm not so sure Deb felt guilty all these years. She may have wanted to relieve her guilt by telling Baby sis that she was the one who had her mother arrested but that doesn't change things. It only makes the matter worse. Now Baby sis has to carry the knowledge that Deb essentialy wrecked the entire family and got away with it without having to suffer any consequences. I think you can forgive the many tantrums teenagers throw when they're rebelling, but I don't think you should forgive a teenager for sending her mother to jail for trying to keep food on the table and shirts on their back. Baby sis should tell the family that it was Deb. Asking Baby sis to forgive her sister is wrong. It is Deb who must ask to be forgived, but first she must admit what she did.
----Ohio
YOUR RIGHT DEB IS THE ONE WHO MUST ASK FOR, FORGIVENESS.
UNTIL SHE ACCEPTS WHAT SHE DID TO HER MOTHER WAS NOT RIGHT. MAKING HER APOLOGIZE WON'T MEAN ANYTHING! DEB IS THE ONE WHO MUST COME CLEAN, AND PRAY FOR, FORGIVENESS FROM HER MOTHER.
hello i would like to say i agree with the other comments, what a spoiled,selfish girl she is/was. To have your mom put away for trying to do the right thing is the most selfish act that anyone can do.Oh not to mention ripping the family apart, if she were my sister i would never talk to her again tough luck sister you made your bed you lie in it. (good luck with your sight)RO
Baby sis should forgive Deb. Teenagers shouldn't be held accountable for what they do during their teen years. Furthermore, parents shouldn't be eavesdropping on their telephone conversations. Kids do dumb things when they're teenagers.
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